Letter to my husband


Letter to my husband

Dear husband

I saw you yesterday and I know you saw me too, but you just passed me as if you hadn’t. I shouted your name really loud but you just kept walking as if I wasn’t there. Was my voice not loud enough and did you not see my smile?

Even when I walked into the house too, you behaved still with scorn. The way you looked at me and smirked your face made me cry. I could not show you though the tears in my eyes because then you could see the defeat I felt that very moment. Instead when I went to the bathroom I just laid in there and I cried. I cry a million times but I just never show you.

I don’t know where it all went wrong that you treat me worse than my own fears. I gave you the beauty of my youth and I gave you all my essence of being a woman. I gave birth to our 3 beautiful children but all I have now is scars that will never fade away.

I went to the doctor yesterday too and when he asked me about the bruises all over my body I just said I was clumsy and fell down the stairs, one time too many. You know every time you raise your hand at me, you take away a piece of my soul. I think I am just an empty shell of a person without a soul considering the number of times you have hit on me and pushed me against the wall. I see the specks of my blood on the wall when I am going up the staircase and no matter how much I wash the walls even with bleach the spots just don’t fade at all.

This house which we bought to call a home is a prison for me. No matter how much heating I put on its still cold for me. I shiver every time I walk through the door even in summer when it is hot outside. My heart pounds really hard, this was meant to be a safe place for me and you know my history.

You know how when I was a young girl that man who was meant to be my guardian abused me and my mama just looked on. You know I was hooked onto drugs and thrown into soliciting just to survive. You know the streets were rough on me. The ghetto corrupted me. You know my life almost ended when I cut my wrists one time too many and I lost so much blood out there on the streets before they found me. You know too how hard it was to have a child because of the abortion I had after the rape when I was 12. My husband you came and you promised me it was all going to be fine.

I got off the streets into this amazing building which was meant to be my security place and here you are today worse than anything I had never imagined.

Please my husband just don’t hit me anymore or raise your hand at me. I am at the point of losing my mind and I am afraid I might lift these tiny worn out hands and take you out. Please I beg you don’t let my children grow without their parents, because I know I will snap one day.

I hope you will read this letter after your dinner and reply me in the morning.

Your wife

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About redflamefire

Published Writer, Blogger and Sunday School Teacher. Aspiring to have a bestseller under my belt and set up a charity that will empower generations to realise their dreams and potential. I advocate for no violence and abuse in marriages.
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33 Responses to Letter to my husband

  1. phoenix143 says:

    Poignant and painful.

  2. andrewhedges says:

    Very powerful. Thank you for sharing this.

  3. always a mum says:

    There is a book I read some time ago called Tough Love by James Dobson, it is worth reading. In the meantime it may be a good idea not to stay in that environment (for those in this situation) as many women never live to tell the tale

  4. shekinah419 says:

    Wow! I don’t know if that is something you wrote because it is true now, or ii is something from your past, but I will pray for you. Have been there. Check back with my blog. I will post something for you there just for you that I wrote during that time. Find it beneath “Nurse and Patient” tab. Drop down to “Surviving” tab, and look for it in the pop-out. I think you’ll figure out which one it is.

  5. have to agree with Shekinah419 above, hope you are safe now, and if not, do that first!!

  6. angelonamission4god says:

    I just wanted to thank you for sharing your experience. I hope and pray you are safe now, and he is no longer hurting you. I just hope and pray you know too, how much God loves and cares for you. Noone is in your shoes. Noone truly knows your pain but you and God. Know you are never alone, God is right there with you. Just know when you hurt, He hurts and He loves you so much. I really truly hope you are out of that situation. Know God will turn all things around for good. Your testimony — your courage — your strength, can help so many women who might be facing the same thing. Know you are special. Know you have incredible value. Know God has great plans in store for your future. Hold onto that. Believe in that. Know my thoughts and prayers are with you! 🙂

  7. One word POWERFUL! I volunteered at a Domestic Violence center for 6 months and I could see all those faces i worked with all over again in these words. I hope and pray you are safe these days. And thank you for sharing this with all of us. You are both incredibly brave and strong.

  8. dgeff3 says:

    Thank you for sharing this. My hope is like many above. And that emotional and physical scars may find healing.

    This made me think of a quote that I have as my desktop for my laptop (so I see it every day):
    “We reflect to our mates and children acceptance or rejection by our verbal and nonverbal communications. They derive part of their worth from how we relate to them. In order for our family members to feel worthy, they need people around them that reflect acceptance.” – Barnes

    lglo

  9. Woody Stone says:

    I know it is possible that this a true story from your past; but even if it isn’t, you make a very important point. Thank you for your writing, you are a great story teller. I look forward to reading more of your material.

  10. graphzi says:

    Each that we lose takes part of us;
    A crescent still abides,
    Which like the moon, some turbid night,
    Is summoned by the tides.
    Emily Dickinson

  11. Joann says:

    Tragic especially if it ends here. Others have felt the same and share:http://www.survivorsconnect.groupsite.com/main/summary

  12. tvaraj says:

    I felt crying when I read this post. Is it what happens or happened to you, or is it someone else’s pathetic story? Terrible.

  13. If this is true of you and not fiction, I hope you have a place to get help–a place to run to. Because that is what you need to do. Bless you!

  14. Oh my God, and I thought my situation was bad. I will pray for you.

  15. Firestone,

    Thanks for liking my poem “silent talk”

    Hitting a woman, let alone one’s wife” is a sign of low self esteem and cowerdness.

    Stand up for youself. This kind of behaviour must stop immediately.

    The Soaring Eagle

  16. edebock says:

    I agree completely with those who have said that if this is true, you must get out and you must do it now! There are women’s shelters with people who are equipped to help you move on and find the safe place you’re looking for.

  17. pax domini says:

    Very powerful and yet all too common in our times. May God grant you His peace and above all safety for you and your family. Bless you all
    +Pax
    jeffrey warren
    http://catholicjourneys.wordpress.com

  18. Cris says:

    Thanks for liking my post, The Case of the Missing Books of the Bible, Part 2 at
    https://thebiblicalapologist.wordpress.com/2012/04/03/the-case-of-the-missing-books-of-the-bible-part-2/

    I have no words after reading your experience. Only, may God bless you with the love and peace that passeth all understanding.

  19. helenaack says:

    Even Possessive Love, which wants you to be an image, an ideal out of his mind is not loving us as we are, and it is not being supportive to us to rise out of our own ashes to become all we can be. We have to do this on our own, and maybe love back as much as we can.

  20. Thank you so much for sharing this, although, I don’t know if it’s fiction or real…I’m hoping it’s fiction or from the past a long time ago. I also hope there is a way out, if it’s in the present. I have not experienced this or know anyone who has, but my heart has always gone out to those in abusive relationships. I wrote a poem awhile back, with hope at the end, if you’d like to read: http://lscotthoughts.com/2011/12/02/invisible-love.

    I also want to thank you for your visit today. Take care, Lauren

  21. remso says:

    I left a girlfriend of ten years over disrespect, continuous and escalating disrespect.
    Minor details compared to you, but when you described how you looked at him, almost lovingly, and got nothing but a snarl really got to me. You had clicked like on one of my posts and the first thing I thought of was CALL THE POLICE. I am guessing there is a little time and distance between you two now.
    I am so sorry. The mixed emotions I feel toward the ex are a daily affair for me. In my case, I have the word from the Lord that He will mend this fence and put it back together. I am glad for that, but I have done all the mending I know how, so he is on his own. I am pretty confident about this word for it came at the same time as another that came to pass in three days, exactly as he said.

    People at work ask me, “why do leave the building for lunch everyday, and you always have your bible with you?” Because that is what gives me hope, builds me up, and keeps me sane. Grow in him. I know you are.
    This is an aspect of your training. There is something that he wants you to do, and unfortunately what you have gone through makes you the prime candidate to minister to the next person. Really, the objective and goal is eternity with him. All this other junk, painful as it is, is just a distraction to keep your eyes off of him.
    Precious lady, you are loved with an everlasting love.
    Oz

  22. tljax says:

    Thank you for expressing what I am sure many if not most wives and some husbands feel at some point in their relationship. Here’s to doing what we know regardless of how we feel! God bless!

  23. I have just read the letter to you husband, and it really abhors me regarding abuse of any kind.

  24. Your life matters! You have a gift to give this world that no one else can give but YOU. God created you for a very specific purpose that you must ask Him to reveal to you. The Lord turns tragedy into triumph and triumph you will…as long as you trust our Living God.
    Blessings!
    Dina

  25. ancientcures says:

    Paul taught us that we are to love our wives as ourselves. I suspect that we, as men, do not go around beating ourselves up. No woman should have to stay in a marriage where there is violence. I believe that we should follow the teachings of the Bible and get in touch with the LORD with help on anger as a sin. The Bible teaches us to be angry and sin not. Sometimes communication works and other times we must flee to safety. There is a time for every season, and forsight is needed to determine what season we are in. I say, if you are in a violent situation it is time to flee, but this is my view. You are in all our prayers as we Pray a hedge of protection around you.

  26. This is what many women are going through around the world. I read the letter from husband and my heart broke at the selfishness and sin in his heart. I pray that God will open his eyes to his sin before it is too late. My daughter just passed away and her husband held her in his arms as she died and his attitude was, “I wish I could have gone with her.” Yet that was not his actions before she died, nor was it said to her before she died. His attitude was the same as ‘husband’: abuse, adiction to other women and the bottle and bruses on her that made even me cry. I will pray, God will take care of the rest….

    • redflamefire says:

      it hurts when one woman has to got through so much. i am lucky i found my escape before it was too late. but my parents cried all the time. they finally shipped me off to another country. the wounds are still healing but learning to find my way. i am sorry for your daughter, but rest in the knowledge that what goes around comes around. justice will be served one day

      • Joy says:

        I believe that to be true…Vengence is mine says the Lord…I will leave it all in His cabable hands.

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